Life With A Covert Stutter With Actor & Bestselling Author Jayne Amelia Larson

Transcript

Maya Chupkov:

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All right, now onto the show. I'm Maya Chupkov and I'm a woman who stutters. Welcome to Proud Stutter, a show about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity in an effort to change how we talk about it one conversation at a time.

Welcome back to Proud Stutter. I'm your host, Maya Chupkov. I am so excited to have our guest for today. Her name is Swathi. She is a person who stutters working as a software engineer and leading the employee resource group for employees with disabilities for the Bay Area chapter at her workplace.

Swathi, welcome to Proud Stutter. Hello, Maya.

Swathy Manavalan:

Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity. And I'm very grateful that I'm a part of it. Part of the show,

Maya:

I wanted to talk a little bit about how we first met. So I found out about you on LinkedIn, um, where you shared about your, your stutter and leading the employee resource group, um, at your office. work around, um, employees with disabilities and I was just so blown away by how open you were about your, your stutter and how you, you know, are working to improve The, the, the work life for employees with disabilities. And so of course I, I reached out, um, and it was perfect timing. Cause I was able to invite you to Proud Stutters Gala in San Francisco. And I was wondering for my first question, what was attending the gala like for you?

Swathy:

First of all, I would like to thank you for the warm invite. You know, because, um, I think the gala event, it was the very first time I was in a room full of people who had speech impediments. So, uh, I think it was like a one of a kind experience for me. And I got to interact with a bunch of folks, different backgrounds, and I had a lot of fun there. And I, and I also got to attend my first in person stand up event. Um, and, you know, like I've heard a lot about Nina G and it was very nice to catch up with her. And also do watch a show.

Maya:

Oh my gosh. That's, that's amazing. Uh, yeah. I'm so, I'm so glad we were able to meet in, in person. You probably saw me like, like just going from like place to place all night. I. I wish I would have had more time to talk with the people in attendance, but I'm, I'm so glad you got the opportunity to attend the first Gallup. So growing up, um, I know you spoke two languages at home, Tamil and Telugu. And if I mispronounced that, please correct me. Um, can you talk about your relationship with, with language and how that Connects to your stutter.

Swathy:

Growing up in India, you would be familiar with more than one language by default, because, uh, there will be one language that you speak at school, which is mostly English and, you know, your native language. So, um, like you mentioned, I spoke two languages at home, Tamil and Telugu. And I spoke. English at school, and I also spoke Hindi, which is also another language, for a brief period of time. Um, so, I think, you know, when I was growing up, uh, when people saw me stutter, um, so say, if I spoke to them in English, and I stuttered.

Uh, they would shift and they would speak to me in my native language. And when I started in my native language, they would start to talk to me in English. But I think, uh, the factors more than the language, I think it is the phonics cause the blocks. Um, And, uh, languages that are spoken in India, uh, they have really hard syllables and it isn't really easy for a person with a speech impediment to pull those out, uh, and speak fluently.

Uh, but I also know a few people who say that they are very comfortable when they speak in their native language. But for me, uh, I think it was. Or it is the phonics that play an age apart.

Maya:

How has your relationship changed with your stutter from when you were growing up to now?

Swathy:

So I think I started stuttering when I was about the age of three. I'm not sure. Um, I think growing up to be, uh, To be really honest, uh, I don't have a concern about my speech because, um, uh, there are other things that I had to feel insecure about, I think. So speech wasn't really a concern. It didn't interfere with, you know, any of my academics or, you know, or anything that I really had interest in. But this, there are just a few things that I know noticed in people, people when I was growing up.

Um, you know, 'cause when people spoke to me and when they, when they, you know, uh, saw me stutter, they didn't know how to. Uh, you know, like there were people who wouldn't look at me in the eye or, you know, or who wouldn't, you know, uh, start, or they, they wouldn't their conversation with me. Um, but I think the main reason, or you know, or do think of it from their shoes. I think there was not much awareness. So when they meet, uh, people like that for the very first time, I think they would not know how to react. And, and I totally get that now because There are a few people who, you know, gave me this weird looks and, you know, this, um, I still remember, uh, I met a special kid when I was about 12 or 13. And that was the very first time that I'm, you know, Interacting with a person with a disability and I didn't know how to react because I didn't know if I should, you know, shake hands with the kid or, you know, or to talk to the kid. Um, so, you know, I think it is the same feeling that others get when they, you know, talk to me. So I kind of get that.

Maya:

And how about your home life?

Swathy:

had a very supportive community around me, uh, my parents, my friends, especially from school and college. Um, and you know, like they never once made me feel insecure about my startup. Uh, and I'm still insecure. I'm, uh, I'm still in touch with them and, you know, till date, they, they didn't, you know, make it a point to point me straight as, you know, as something that they're really concerned about. Uh, and I think that kind of support, uh, shaped me and, uh, and the confidence that it has instilled in me. Um, I think I'm very grateful for that, uh, because when I hear stories, you know, from other people, uh, I don't know, like, I'm, I'm really lucky and fortunate to have been, you know, like, surrounded by such amazing people.

Maya:

That's that's amazing. Yeah, it having a supportive family is, is super helpful. I had the pleasure of also having a really supportive family as well. Um, so shifting gears to the workplace. Can you talk about your experience being a software engineer?

Swathy:

So I. Work is a source software engineer, and I'm a developer. I work in a scrum team. So, uh, which means that, you know, there are the, it is one MA manager and a number of team members who, with whom? I, in fact, daily. Um, and there are also cross team collaborations, um, where, you know, we get to interact with people from other teams to get their inputs or insights as well. So I think I've been fortunate enough, uh, to have a very supportive team and I was not, you know, I didn't feel left out or I didn't feel I didn't belong anywhere until now.

Maya:

Oh my gosh. I love that. That's so amazing. And it really does make a huge Difference on like your mental health when you have like a supportive team like that And for me, like i've never had that until my current job. So that's really Amazing that you have such a supportive team Is there a memory that comes up for you about your stutter in the workplace that comes to mind?

Swathy:

I think when I started my career as a software engineer, you know, back in 2010, uh, so there was one person in the team who, you know, like came up to me and asked if I had, if I was, No, no, I was due during team meetings and I then told him that, no, I speak with the starter and, uh, and I get really nervous when I have to speak, you know, in a group setting. And then, uh, you know, he, he told me that, you know, like he too has a stutter and, you know, like he kind of gave me a few tips. On, you know, how to manage things better.

Maya:

So that actually leads to my next question about the medium of piece you wrote called Those Two Sentences, which is an amazing piece and it's linked in our description show notes and I encourage all of you listening to to to to read it Swathe can you tell us what made you want to write it and and Yeah, like how did that piece come about?

Swathy:

So this blog was written for a completely different purpose. Um, so, you know, like, I think, like a few years back, I wanted to pursue a career with content creation. So, uh, back then I was still working with, uh, with an IT firm and I met one of the mentors there and I asked for his guidance, uh, to, uh, pursue, uh, career in content creation and. He mentioned that, you know, it would be nice to start off, uh, writing a few articles on a few topics. And the topic that he suggested was, uh, structuring at the workplace. So, uh, and the very first thing that came to my mind was the daily standups, you know, every person in the team, every team member updates the work that he worked on the previous day and the work that he'd be working that day. So, um, that is one place that I still have, you know, it's the challenges because You put in so much of an effort to, you know, say that, Hey, see, I've worked so much and I've done so much and I've contributed so, so much.

So, you know, that process, uh, that adds in a lot of pressure. I flunk at it every single day. So, uh, I thought, you know, that would be a good place for me to, uh, write about, and that's how the blog came out. And when I joined my current workplace, uh, I had an opportunity, uh, to meet my mentor, Jonah Ortiz, who's also, you know, who's also, uh, a person who stutters.

So I met him and, you know, like somehow I shared this piece to him and And I think it all started from there. Um, you know, cause for a person who stutters, uh, to speak in a group setting and to, you know, bring out all the emotions that a person goes through. I think the meeting is only for about 30 minutes, but to bring out all the emotions.

Within those two minutes, I think is a very big challenge for a person who stutters. It's not, uh, that, you know, I go through every single thing that I've, uh, that I've, uh, written on in the article, but It is, you know, more about how every person with a stutter goes through, because there are times when I don't speak with a stutter. I don't even stutter, uh, during my standup meetings and there are days when I, I can't even pull one word out of my mouth. When I took up the role as a leader for the Thrive Bay area chapter, I think, uh, this was the very f first blog, uh, that I pulled, posted out, uh, in the. And I, I think I posted, um, in the late evening and the next day I woke up and my inbox was swarmed with so many messages and the blog had so many comments from the top leaders. And it was a little overwhelming for me because I don't like spotlights. I don't like to be the center of attention anywhere. Um, but I think this blog did create an impact, uh, at my workplace and also for all the people with disabilities.

Maya:

And for any software engineer out there who maybe. Maybe navigating a stutter or, you know, something else or even someone in tech, what would your advice be for them?

Swathy:

My advice would be to, you know, focus on your skills rather than, you know, how you speak or, you know, how fast you can code or, you know, like things like that. We are at a place where every company is. And if anyone feels the need, uh, for an accommodation, or if they feel that, you know, the interview process would be, uh, or your speech would be a blocker, uh, during the interview process. I think, uh, it would be, it would be good to, you know, uh, bring this up to the person who was hitched out to you and they would be more than happy to address your concerns.

Maya:

And I have to ask, um, cause I'm a big Taylor Swift fan. Um, it, it seems like you're in a new era of your stutter. Can you talk about that, that new era?

Swathy:

Um, and what it's been like since you first opened up so openly about your stutter? I think, personally, I've, I've felt that, you know, like coming out as a person with a disability, uh, it kind of takes out the pressure off your head. And it makes you confident and, and you also mentally prepare the person, uh, with whom you're interacting, uh, in advance and they're not in for, you know, any surprises. So I think this way, you know, the focus would be mostly on, you know, what to say rather than how do you say it. Whenever you get into calls or with any colleague for the very first time at your workplace, um, I make it a point to tell them that, you know, I speak with a stutter and, you know, there will be blocks.

And, you know, that kind of mentally as them. And they would know that, you know, it's not because of any network glitches. And I guess the last thing I'll ask, is there anything else you wanted to share that we haven't talked about yet that you'd like to say before we, um, before we end? I think as a person, uh, who speaks with the startup, I, I realized that You know, uh, you, you don't take things for granted, you know, uh, because a person, uh, a person without a stutter, I mean, they just speak things spontaneously and, you know, but it's not the same for everyone.

It's like a big process for a lot of people. There are places and instances where I feel I should have spoken out, but I don't. Uh, you know, like, uh, somewhere, uh, my speech comes in the middle and I, you know, and I don't. And, um, and, you know, it, it could be like a very simple, uh, thing, like, you know, say saying thank you to the person who, who held the door for me, but you know, I, there are times when I can't, you know, pull the thirst, the thirst sound out of my mouth and you know, I just walk away. So don't take anything for granted. At the same time, I think for people, uh, with speech, I would say don't let speech, uh, define you. Focus on your strengths, your skills, uh, than to, you know, uh, than putting too much of a focus on your speech.

Maya:

That is such amazing advice. And I, I wish I'd gotten that advice when I was way younger. Um, so Swati, thank you so much for being on Proud Stutter.

Swathy:

Thank you so much for this wonderful opportunity. I'm so grateful that you, that you, uh, you made me a part of this.

Maya:

That's it for this episode of Proud Stutter. This episode of Proud Stutter was produced and edited by me, Maya Chupkov. Our music was composed by Augusto Deniz. And our artwork by Mara Ezekiel and Noah Chupkov. If you have an idea or want to be part of a future episode, visit us at www. proudstutter. com. And if you like the show, you can leave us a review wherever you are listening to this podcast. Want to leave us a voicemail? Check out our show notes for the number to call in. More importantly, tell your friends to listen too. Until we meet again, thanks for listening. Be proud and be you.