Stuttering In The Military

Transcript

Maya Chupkov:

If I Maya Chupkov and I'm a woman who stutters welcome to Proud stutter a Show about stuttering and embracing verbal diversity in an effort to change how we talk about it one conversation at a time.

Welcome back to Proud stutter today. Our co-host is Gustavo Serafini the host and producer of a naval disabled podcast a show for people with disabilities as well as their families friends clinicians and therapists. We'll be interviewing Our Guest for today's episode Marine veteran Brady Wilson Brady is a current aerospace engineering student at the Ohio State University Welcome both of you to the show. I think you have me it's a pleasure to be here and thank you so much. I'm looking forward to this Brady. Let's go to you our distinguished guest for this episode. Can you talk to us about what it was like growing up with a stutter?

Brady Wilson:

Yeah, so I thought I Sutter for essentially my entire life like a bit like an outcast almost. We're trying to give like a presentation for school or trying to speak on the phone and it would certainly like fluctuate quite a bit and it's a very we're at times I couldn't take my first name the other times where I could speak like this fine. Like you wouldn't be able to know it all and my family put me through. I think it was like one speech therapy session way back on like third grade and I don't remember like really what they talked about honestly all that much but it did help it was weird. Like I didn't flutter much after that of like like a month or two or so, I just didn't like better at all, which is strange. So I thought it was gone. But and definitely came back then I meant to speech therapy like a year ago, but I was online on my own accord. So this next question, I think I've only asked it one other time, but I'm really curious. Can you describe your stutter for us? I I always love when people describe their stutters. I think for me. It's mostly blocks. I think the biggest part and it's always the apps. Like there's like worse times, of course like person like us again, like you're like you're like your name or your phone number like your email or like what you want to do like for school or right now? I miss like I don't know why I was like this like it's like it's like there's like worst blocks and I can World beads don't you know, like what to do at that point like you're so does like Frozen.

Maya:

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So Brady you and I actually connected because you sent in a voice memo through our voicemail line talking about your experience in the Army as a as a marine, and I was just so blown away and I wanted to get deeper and I wanted to help share your story on the podcast. So let's let's get to it. I know there's probably a lot to unpack, but can you tell us about your experience in the Army. And yeah, I feel free to start wherever you'd like.

Brady:

So I went into the Marine Corps or After High School. My Sutter was always around at that point in time. It was kind of like ironic my recruiter put me into the communications field as a field as a field radio operator, which that's not really the best job to have as a person you stutters but now like all right, you know, let's I guess that's and so it happens. Wow, I would be freaking out but yeah, so my first four months in the military, it was composed of boot camp and combat training that I didn't Sutter almost at all then but it was because it was mostly composed of like screaming and like screaming like in Cadence with the rest of the guys around you and there were many occasions where you were speaking just like alone. So I thought was gone at that point in time. Plus I had like a bunch of other things. I mean obviously like happening and I just I couldn't like focus on like my speech really at all. I was just it was always about like I like to like like train is to get better, you know, as always then I went to a communication school. So there is when I saw my stutter definitely come out a lot more because it involved a lot more like actual like speaking skills and like how to talk over the radios and how to this it's like overall.

Communicate effectively with those around you and that's especially when I saw like I couldn't send my first name anymore. I mean, I mean like I got like like awful. They would ask me like my rank and my name in front of like a huge like like 10 plus like other guys and I couldn't say it. So I was certainly concerning for me that I saw it come back like full force and it was kind of scary because I was in getting me again like my job like it required you to be like the best possible like speaker there because he like the consequences of not speaking well over the like I radio like it could like I resolve and like the loss of life they could you know, I could it's like be like wrong thing which is what I can't you know happen. But yes, so I was there for about seven months and school and I went to a camp Helton California as my station. I was attached to and artillery unit a theory operators job and that kind of unit is essentially to relay Transformations from like the line, I guess kind of to the artillery guns that we were at the consequences of stuttering and that kind of position could result like like a pretty bad outcome if you say like the wrong Lake like grid coordinate or if you take too long to say something give you a block if they miss if they don't hear you correctly or the radio because you are centering they might shoot like the wrong like they it might show like the round and like the wrong area.

Maya:

I'm just in like I have no words. That sounds extremely stressful. Like it can't imagine a more stressful. Thing to be doing as a person who who stutters like, can you talk more about how you felt in those situations?

Brady:

It was certainly pretty terrifying because I knew that again like if you Sutter like going for like a drive through like yeah, it's still not great and it actually happened me like yesterday, which it's it's not like ideal but the consequences like, okay, it sucks. But like you can kind of move on from like hopefully but there was I mean it would it could result in the loss of a guy out there because he didn't get like because like you can't speak correctly. But if I was the case, I still formed a pretty close group of friends that I had that I he'll talk to this day and the culture and like the military is a lot of like smack talk back and forth. And again, my father was no exception like at all and they got pretty clever with it the insults but it was you know, it was all like good faith. I think it's a big difference between teasing and like being a bully and like I definitely would like trust those guys actually like I mean, yeah, like they're they're they would like tease me about it, but I wouldn't have to take it too personal and I know that they weren't actually being like yeah like a bad person about it, and I'm sure if I was in in their position.

And I was a photo in and I was a field radio operator and like one of my Marines like how like a Sutter. I mean like oh, that's kind of strange too. So I was the only person I knew that's stuttered in the in the military at all. I mean, I guess I didn't I mean I didn't take time to seeking anyone else out. That's because yeah, I was I was just so like I mean it was yeah it was all about like, I mean it like and we were like very busy with other things. So like these you focus on my speech was just not like a priority which I mean it makes sense and that kind of environment. There are more important things to do like to like to like take care of in their eyes at least but yeah, and then I deployed and I was on a ship and that's where I saw my sweater come out a lot. I remember I had to give a presentation for this course I was taking and it was awful and I had like the worst box. I have had my entire life there. It was it was it was it was it was pretty bad while it was not the ideal space to have like a safe space for stuttering. I'm still very grateful for my experiences there and the guys that I met and I'm so like very close with like now, but you know, it was definitely a a fun time kind of like very interesting. I get radium.

Gustavo Serafini:

I'm curious about when you were doing the training. For example, they they noticed that you occasionally stutter. Was there any guidance given or was it just like an attitude of just get through it?

Brady:

I think the they tried to help me as much as they knew how to which wasn't very much but they would often like put me in the like cases where I I had to speak more and more me and they thought just like more like maybe like more exposure to speaking would help which I probably think the same thing if I was like if I was like their position but never like really helped all that much because it was still just a very high thrust environment and I had a lot of other things like also happening in in my life at that point in time where again, I just it wasn't ever like like a stress-free Zone ever, but they tried to help hearing there but it wasn't like what you might seem like speech therapy by I mean, it's like like you just kind of like push through it and if you don't do it correctly, you're gonna do it again and you're gonna do it here and there there but for me that that never really helped too much because again, I was just like the same cases but just more stress like each one, which yeah so

Maya:

I can see where a lot of the goals of being in the military clashes with stuttering because you're in all these stressful the situations in their training you to prepare for those situations. And so you know in their mind a lot of these things that they make a people do over and over again might work in in some instances, but for stuttering that is just no way that doesn't that is not how you help a person who who stutters so with that said like how and I know you touched on this little bit, but can you talk more about how you you kind of coved with with the stress?

Brady:

I had a close group friends that I had and I would always just like I mean, I wouldn't talk about my sweater almost ever. I mean not like a personal way. I would like make fun of it here and there for sure, but I went over like talk to them personally about it. But I just try not to let it get to me too much because everyone else was also going through a lot of stress. They might not have had a stutter of course, but they had other things in her life that were just like going on. So in the military like especially in the Marine Corps, I would argue like you don't really have time to really like deal with it. He's kind of keep pushing through and like like swallow. You're like like fears like emotions essentially just keep pushing through unfortunately and yeah, I mean that's I mean and like that itself is a whole different issue in the military where like mental health is not as much of a priority as it probably should be I think they've gotten better with it over the years honestly, but I I definitely saw a lot of cases of Marines not being able to cope well with the stress of like the environment overall. I mean like mine was it was always prevalent has really not much you could like really do about except it's kind of keep pushing through. I don't know how to describe it really but that's all that I mean, that's all that like that like you do at that point really

Gustavo:

And do you think do you think that's by that's by Design where you're building the the camaraderie and those group of friendships because you're all having the same, you know, shared stresses and the same the same tension. So you're building, you know, maybe closer bonds with the you know with your unit with your people that way so that you you can learn to trust each other more. Do you see like the flip side to it? Was it was beneficial?

Brady:

Yeah for sure and I definitely like see it as it like basically like training Us in case we were able to go to a combat like like environment you already know how to deal with that amount of stress. It was just like always training you to be in that kind of case in life. I don't look I mean, I don't like despise the military for that purpose at all. I think it it is probably all by Design and it's all that they can't deal with every single Marines problems because they're like there are and it's a large group, of course. So yeah, I mean it for sure to build up a very close like camaraderie it between me and the guys around me for sure.

Maya:

Is there a memory from your experience in the marines that you can walk us through to just help us really get a sense of what it was like to walk in your shoes during that time?

Brady:

One where I was in front of my entire battery, which was which composed of like I was definitely as maybe about a hundred or so if that like I don't know like six years so Marines and I'm not sure why they did this or what he was what he was even about but our staff sergeant which is kind of like a guy in charge essentially. He was calling off names and basically like asking us a yes or no question about like some kind of training that we did or did not do yet to kind of get like a like a list of names that he needs. He did it in front of like like the and entire battery.

And like essentially your response and calling out your name would be like to address my staff sergeant and then say like did it like yes, I did or no, I stuttered on saying staff sergeant and I said and I had Sergeant instead which in the military if you call person by a lower rank than they are especially that's that's not a good that's that's like a very good day for you and he was not too happy about that. My name is to say and he definitely

I I made it a point to in a very I guess I like the colorful way to call me out and I in front of the of the entire battery for building saw like if I like if I like hours goes by only like two minutes or so.

Or they would like call us out to read off of like a presentation class to like read off of like a slide in front of the entire class and I'd always like like try and do it, but I can ever get through more than like two or three words at a time which is odd and never got better. And I would try to find different ways to like. like contribute to the job overall.

Gustavo:

Can you can you say a little bit more about the the creativity that you showed in still wanting to contribute like so you weren't on the radio that often. Can you talk about what are the things that you did to try to be, you know useful to try to help to try to to try to contribute because I think for me anyways, that's those those adaptations and that creativity and resilience are really interesting to see

Brady:

Sure. Yes, there's one job that most people didn't like like to want to do because it was a lot of work. It was it's like it was it's like a tech job where you would essentially like. Order new parts that were broken in it. He like the like a field or whatnot and you have to go talk to like certain like like technicians and whatnot to get these parts ordered and

I just I basically being like the tech behind like the radios to make to make it to like ensure that you have the best equipment possible. So, yeah, I mean I would I mean I would definitely try to find out more about that field from one of my superiors Who Tommy a lot about it.

And I mean I would again I was it was more of a focus to not have to speak on a radio me. I could speak and running people but a bit easier over like the radio for some reason. I mean it was it was it was not. Yeah. It was yeah, it wasn't great. But how has your stuttering Journey changed since you left the Marines since I got out again, I went through speech therapy for about a year. I learned a lot of really cool techniques. My speech therapist was was in like, I I mean like she did like a great job honestly and she would go through a lot of like real life like practical.

Um, like therapy techniques, I guess at the make sense like I we would go over like a mock it like like appointment thing where I would like call in like like a certain office and would make like that. Yeah, like I think appointment but she was so be there. It's like like

to hear how I would speak over the phone essentially and I think from that while my stuttering as I mean, it's I mean, it's it's obviously like still here. I think I've again a lot more comments over the phone and I mean and I don't dread like speaking so that in itself kind of like Built My

this over like thought process over like stuttering and being a bit more like like open about it or telling or telling people that I hey, I have trouble saying these certain things just adds up. But also I sent that about being more like like open about it. I I joined the National stuttering Association chapter in my city. and we've been meeting every or the first Thursday of every month and we've all met a couple times in person and it's as cool to be around like other people who like

I mean like like who also share my like life experiences with it and I it was the first time I actually ever talked to another person who stuttered like in person which was like a few months ago. So I yeah, so it was like past like 23 years or so. I had never met a person who who stuttered. Yeah. So it was It was kind of weird to like actually see like hey, I'm not alone here.

And obviously I also found your podcast make I think you're about a few episodes into two who occasion one and I started to listen to that a bit more like, okay, so I guess it is kind of it's not like a bad thing to be more like me to be like more like like open regarding my feelings towards this condition.

Gustavo:

But when when you when you did the the speech there, so you thought it was important. Like what was the you thought it was important to start speech therapy. You initiated it. You tried it out you were again. I think it's really cool that you were open to doing that to trying to and resolving like not hiding from it. Not not just like it's there. It's there. It's there you're doing something about it. You're giving yourself tactics and strategies and ideas to make those adaptations which is cool with when while also recognizing that it's a part of you and it's it's going to be there right?

Brady:

It's the same thing with my disability. It's a part of me. It's not going away. But it can it's something that can also. Teach me more about myself and more about how I want to be in the world. So I think it's really great that you did that and that you joined the the chapter in that year you're exploring this part of yourself. It's it's I hope that it empowers you and keeps, you know, you keep building from it and in your career and in the things that you want to do in the world, yeah, like I remember I put myself through speech therapy because at that point in time, it was probably the worst it it ever wise like as far as my my like.

Stuttering was I mean I couldn't say my first name at all. I could say I mean I couldn't say like almost anything. I I like stop speaking almost like and like like entirely for like a few months. And I'm like, yeah, it's probably not the best idea to have this kind of life. I'm gonna go through and try to get this thing. It doesn't fix a little bit and see what I can do about it, but

Maya:

Yeah, I I just love the approach of trying stuff on seeing if it fits and really being proactive in that and taking care of yourself in that way. One of the biggest reasons why I didn't like speech therapy was because I was constantly having to think about my stutter and deal with that part of me that in many situations like I appeared fluent and I wouldn't have to worry about it as much but then there were those moments that like jerked me and reminded me that oh I have this thing and it's not going away. And so I definitely avoided wanting to explore that part of myself for a very long time because it was just so painful and it was so annoying and it was just this thing that I just didn't want to deal with and I just wanted to be a normal person and so I just avoid avoid avoid and and I feel like I would have kept avoiding it. unless I took a chance and just opened up.

And slowly slowly that just made me realize that there's something here and there's something in sharing your story and giving people the platform to do. So that is very empowering. And so that's that's kind. I just like it was luck that I tapped into that because I just randomly woke up one day and decided that I wanted to try being open about my stutter and that just that one choice is why we're here today the three of us and so I'm just I feel very lucky to be here with both of you because if it wasn't for that, I would never have met you both.

Gustavo:

yeah, when what's amazing what happens when we give when we try something new and give ourselves the chance and Get out of that story of you know. Feeling stuck or feeling like I don't want to deal with this and avoiding it right. That's it's a it's great to see people embrace. The parts of themselves that can be uncomfortable.

Brady:

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. I don't see it like it like like he's like some kind of thing that edit that you know it it's important to make to to look other side of yourself where again it might not be the most like like Pleasant like side of you or the side that you don't want to seek a lot of like like okay help for but I think if you do what you did here with your podcast with with speech therapy with going to that chapter. I mean, it's certainly helped like broaden my like you about what stuttering is what it might could be for me.

Maya:

So so as we round out the interview my last question for you Brady. Is what are you up to now? I know you're a student at Ohio State.

Brady:

So I got my associates degree at Columbus State. about like a month ago, and then I transferred those credits to Is a university this past semester. It's still all online. Which is kind of okay, I guess it makes like a bit like easier to type like to attend, but it'd be nice that it was in person, too. And as like myself as like my stuttering goes, I've it's still certainly prevalent in my life, of course, and as far as like with with school, I think I like a presentation like a few Masters ago.

And I definitely stuttered but I I knew what I was talking about. And I I kind of like I I viewed it in a whole different like mindset the verses like what I probably I would have had, you know through two three years ago where I would have just been just like done I I can do it at all but Yeah, and then I'll be going to OSU for the next two possibly three years. I depending on how long my degree takes and from there. Ideally. I like to work for like NASA or like us or like um SpaceX, but that's the goal for me.

Maya:

Very exciting. I wish you all the luck in your academic future Brady and your professional future. So Gustavo, let's have you and the episode by telling us a little bit more about your podcast enabled disabled.

Gustavo:

Sure. Absolutely. So the podcast like you said Maya is the enabled disabled podcast and we are really Committed to changing the narrative and the way people think about disability. There are there are so so much potential in the community. That's not being realized and I think that it's really important to try to tell better stories around disability to give people to paint like a fuller picture about who we are as people and the things that we want to contribute and give back to the world. So that's really why why we started it and you can find us at www.enabled disabled.com and it's gonna be great to have you on the show as well soon Maya and I hope that Brady joins us one day as well

Maya:

And that's our episode as always. Thank you so much for listening and see you all next time. And that's it for this episode of proud stutter. This episode of proud stutter was produced and edited by me Maya chupkov. Our music was composed by Augusto Denise and our artwork by Mara Ezekiel and Noah chukov.

If you have an idea or want to be part of a future episode visit us at www.proudstutter.com, and if you like the show, you can leave us a review wherever you are listening to this podcast want to leave us a voicemail check out our show notes for the number to call in more importantly tell your friends to listen to until we meet again. Thanks for listening be proud and be you.